Milton Keynes – the land of a million roundabouts, pristine grid roads, and… potholes big enough to swallow a Fiat 500 whole? Come on now. We didn’t sign up for an urban safari every time we pop too Tesco. We’re just out here trying to vibe to the radio, not reenact a scene from Mad Max: Fury Road every ten minutes.

Let’s talk about it.

Potholes: The Silent Car Killers

We love our cars. Some of us name them. We polish them. We treat them better than our own knees. But do the roads of Milton Keynes return the favour? Not exactly. In fact, they seem to have declared all-out war on our pride and joy.

Potholes don’t just make for a bumpy ride – they are tiny (sometimes not so tiny) asphalt assassins. They attack:

  • Tyres: One wrong dip and you’re on first-name terms with your local Kwik Fit.
  • Suspension: That mysterious clunking noise after hitting a crater? That’s your car crying softly.
  • Alloy wheels: Ever seen a once-beautiful rim chewed up like a dog toy? Thanks, pothole.
  • Wheel alignment: Because who doesn’t love fighting the steering wheel just to go straight?

Honestly, our cars are out here risking their chassis for the cause. The only thing they should be navigating is a smooth road, not Milton Keynes’ version of lunar terrain.

The “Report a Pothole” Game: A Tale of Hope and Disappointment

Yes, yes, we know there’s a website. We’ve all been there. Submitted the form. Attached the photo. Waited. Waited some more. And then either:

A) Nothing happens.
B) A man with a shovel turns up and fills it with what looks like leftover Rice Krispies.
C) The hole gets filled… for about 4 days before it returns, angrier and deeper.

If potholes were people, they’d be your dodgy ex: always disappearing then showing up again when you least want them to.

A Message to Milton Keynes Council:

Dear Milton Keynes Council: This isn’t Mario Kart. Stop turning our roads into real-life banana peel traps. 🍌💥 We love our cars. We name them. We cherish them. But these potholes? They’re out here committing vehicular manslaughter. And to the council: please, we beg you, do better. Because the only craters we want to admire are on the moon – not outside the Co-op.